Explaining Depression & Anxiety to Your Partner

Anxiety and depression are the two most common mental health conditions on the planet. Therefore, it’s not far-fetched that you may struggle with such issues in your life. But how does one handle this within the context of a relationship? If you have a physical illness or injury, it is often obvious. How, then, can you make certain you’re being heard and validated when dealing with an emotional disorder?

You want and expect your partner to be, well… your partner. They should be there for you with love, support, and understanding. But with depression or anxiety, the “understanding” part can be the trickiest.

4 Steps Toward Explaining Depression & Anxiety to Your Partner

1. Get Yourself a Journal

These will be important but very vulnerable conversations so prepare yourself. Make some bullet points of what feels most important to convey. Keep adding to this list as you get closer to having the first discussion. Keep the list handy during the chat, so you don’t forget something out of nervousness.

Some factors to consider:

• Finding out how much your partner already knows about anxiety and/or depression.

• If you want/need ongoing conversations, make this clear.

• Ask yourself what kind of reaction and support you wish for.

• What would you prefer your partner not do?

• How much do you want your partner to be involved in your treatment plan?

• Are you okay with friends and families knowing?

2. Timing and Other Logistics

A few (of many) factors to consider:

• There is no “perfect” time to talk, so follow your heart.

• Also, clear out enough time to not feel rushed.

• Have this conversation face-to-face.

• Minimize distractions, e.g., noise, devices, etc.

• Provide resources to get them started with self-education.

On that last note, it’s not your job to inform them 24/7. But make certain that the accumulation of knowledge is ongoing. Most importantly, focus on your specific case (see #3 below).

3. Talk About You

No two people experience anxiety or depression the same way. There are commonalities, of course, but what matters most for this conversation is your particular experience. This can be another list in your journal, e.g., how your condition impacts you. Your partner must know how anxiety or depression may influence your energy level, focus, sex drive, emotional regulation, and more.

4. Let Them Know What Helps

Keep that journal handy because it’s time for another list. Your partner may feel a little overwhelmed and perhaps inadequate. Be prepared with some easy suggestions for starters.

• Tell them what triggers you and makes you feel worse.

• Urge them not to take it personally if you display a mood swing.

• Promise them you will be direct with them if your mood swing is not related to anxiety or depression.

• Give them as much as you can so they can be the best partner they can be.

Remind your partner that opening up like this is meaningful. It is a powerful way to remind each other that your relationship is not just about fun, sex, and doing laundry. Sitting them down for a serious talk is proof of how much you trust them. Sure, anxiety or depression will present challenges, but your trusting bond can be a major counterbalance.

Does it Help to Have a Therapist Involved?

Short answer: Absolutely, yes! The partner with the mental health condition may feel embarrassed to focus on it. The other partner feels blindsided and confused. Talking this out in the presence of a professional, unbiased guide is a proven path toward deepening your connection. If you or your partner are struggling with depression or anxiety, let’s talk about it soon.

Seasonal Depression: How to Recognize It and How to Combat It

Do certain times of year—particularly the winter—get you down? On the surface, this is neither unusual nor alarming. However, Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) is a thing, and it is a diagnosable form of depression. SAD can occur during the summer months, but this mood disorder almost always kicks in by late fall and continues through the darker, colder winter months.

Full-blown SAD affects roughly 11 million Americans per year. I say “roughly” because it can get underreported and/or inadvertently lumped in with traditional depression. Then, a milder version—typically referred to as “winter blues”—impacts another 25 million annually. So, how can you figure out what’s going on?

How to Recognize Seasonal Depression

In its initial phase in the late fall, symptoms may be too mild to concern you. As winter progresses, so do the signs and symptoms. Here is some of what to watch for:

• Feeling sadness for most of nearly every day

• No longer interested in activities that once interested you (including sex)

• Craving junk food

• Overeating and gaining weight

• Low energy

• Inability to concentrate 

• Sleep disturbances (most commonly, oversleeping, but those with summer SAD often experience insomnia)

• Feelings of hopelessness and worthlessness

• Thoughts of death, dying, and suicide

What Causes SAD?

Specific causes for SAD have not been identified, but factors are believed to include the following:

• The change of seasons and reduction of sunlight can disrupt levels of important chemicals like serotonin and melatonin. This will result in mood changes.

• In addition, less sunlight has been known to throw off one’s internal biological clock. 

Some risk factors to consider:

• SAD impacts women more than men and younger adults more than older adults.

• Those with major depression or bipolar disorder are at greater risk.

• Family history is a factor. Having relatives with SAD (or other forms of depression) makes you more likely to struggle with it.

• Less sunlight often means less vitamin D in your body. This can lead to a decrease in the aforementioned serotonin. 

• Geography matters. The further you live from the equator, the less sustained sunlight and the higher risk of SAD.

How to Combat Seasonal Depression

If you’ve come to realize that the approach of winter does not agree with you, take steps in preparation. These can include:

• Making outdoor plans in advance. Maximize your time out in fresh air and, most importantly, sunlight. Whenever possible, make those plans active. Exercise is a proven way to lift your mood. Also, if SAD is making you gain weight, movement will help balance that out. Also, invite others along on these outings. Quality social time is another valuable bulwark against depression.

• Artificial light therapy. Invest in products like dawn simulators and lightboxes. They can keep your circadian rhythm on track and help fend off SAD.

• Create and adhere to a routine. When the sun’s patterns shift, it can throw off your bedtime and waking times. Left unchecked, this can turn into a vicious cycle. So, for starters, set up a firm sleep schedule. Build around that sleep schedule by creating other life routines that keep you in a rhythm. 

• Talk with your doctor about vitamin D. If there’s less sun available, make sure you’re getting enough via diet or supplementation. Get expert advice and then stick to it. 

Speaking of Expert Advice…

Treatment for any kind of depression requires professional help. Working with a therapist is the ideal starting point. Your weekly sessions will offer you solace and space to share. You can better understand what you’re feeling and why. Best of all, you’ll work together to cultivate new approaches to address and manage Seasonal Depression. Let’s connect soon and talk more about this. 

5 Ways Anxiety Affects the Brain

In our everyday language, we express an understanding that emotions impact our brains. We may feel “out of our mind,” or perhaps we’ve “lost our mind.” Indeed, emotion affects our brains. But how many of us have an idea of how an emotion like, say, anxiety impacts our neurology? Such knowledge is important.

A big part of our mental well-being involves having a basic understanding of how our minds work. What impacts them? Can we take steps to avoid being triggered in a negative way? How do we get back in rhythm when something like anxiety sidetracks us? To start providing answers, let’s begin by looking at the relationship between anxiety and our brain.

5 Ways Anxiety Affects the Brain

1. Stress Hormones

Certain sensory signals—whether real or imagined—can kickstart our brain’s defense mechanisms. A big part of this hard-wired response is the release of stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline. When functioning properly, these chemicals prepare your body and mind to deal with a risk or threat. Then, when the threat is gone, the stress hormones go back down to normal levels.

In the throes of an anxiety disorder, however, there is the perception of chronic danger. This floods your system with stress hormones. This is the start of an insidious cycle. The chronic perception of danger floods our system. The chronic presence of stress hormones tricks your brain into a perpetual state of high anxiety. Thereby, your anxiety disorder worsens, while the overflow of chemicals may cause physical ailments.

2. Loss of Rationality

The amygdala is the part of your brain that signals the presence of a threat. It alerts the prefrontal cortex (PFC), which is responsible for rational thinking and problem-solving. These two brain parts can offer balance in how you perceive the world.

However, when anxiety becomes ever-present, the amygdala increases in size and loses its tight connection with the PFC. The checks and balances grow skewed, and the PFC can no longer serve as the “voice of reason.” Threats just keep appearing worse, and, as a result, the cycle intensifies.

3. Hyper-Vigilance

The hyperactive amygdala and under-active PFC combine to:

• Keep you in a contact state of anxious fear

• Leave you without the mechanisms you need to control it

Whether or not you recognize them as such, it’s always false alarms. Your brain’s default setting is to assume that everything is dangerous until proven safe (and perhaps not even then).

4. Memory Storage

Let’s introduce another part of the brain. The hippocampus is a crucial component when it comes to memory. It processes long-term memories and puts them into context. Anxiety is like a monkey wrench in this system. It shrinks the hippocampus and tricks it into storing skewed memories. You end up prioritizing the storing of events that relate to perceived danger. Anxiety and stress have become viewed as the norm.

5. Anxiety is a Skilled Liar

All of the above is possible because anxiety tells lies. It waits for the slightest hint of vulnerability and fills in the blanks with tales of risk and threat. These false perceptions are buttressed with lies about you, e.g.:

• “They’re out to get you.”

• “Don’t trust anyone.”

• “You can’t handle it.”

• “It’s safest to not even try.”

Unless and until you can identify such lies, they can control your thought patterns. A giant step in becoming better equipped to deal with anxiety is seeking out the help of a skilled professional.

Let’s Talk Soon

A therapist is trained to guide you through the process of recovering from anxiety. I’d love to help you on their journey. Let’s connect soon for a free and confidential consultation.

6 Signs and Symptoms of Complex Trauma

Trauma is common, and it can be debilitating. On average, at least half the people you encounter have endured a traumatic event. But there’s not just one type of trauma. For example, when a person (usually a child) undergoes repeated, ongoing abuse or neglect, they are susceptible to complex trauma. People who fall into this category are often diagnosed with Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD).

The differences between trauma and complex trauma can be subtle at times. But this does not take away from the importance of differentiating between the two. With this in mind, let’s learn a lot more about complex trauma.

Possible Causes Behind Complex Trauma

• Incest

• Sexual abuse

• Ongoing domestic abuse

• Being kidnapped or held captive

• Repeated neglect or abandonment

• Human trafficking

• Being prostituted

• Torture

• Children being forced to take on adult roles

• Being subjected to or witnessing genocide, terrorism, or a war zone

Of course, trauma is in the eye of the beholder. Individuals can struggle with C-PTSD for an incredibly wide range of reasons.

6 Signs & Symptoms of Complex Trauma

1. PTSD Symptoms

Firstly, be on the lookout for signs of PTSD. People with C-PTSD often share some common symptoms, e.g.:

• Re-living events via nightmares, flashbacks, and other intrusive thoughts

• Hyper-vigilance

• Avoidance and social withdrawal

2. Dissociation

The relentless of what you’ve endured puts you in a place of detachment. This could manifest as:

• Forgetting important details about the trauma.

• Experiencing a change in consciousness (dissociation).

• Not feeling connected to your own body.

3. Unable to Regulate Emotions

Intense trauma-induced emotions can range from explosive anger to downright despair. When under the throes of complex trauma, you can feel overwhelmed by such feelings. You get the sense that they are beyond your control. People in your life will notice and remark on your emotional state.

4. Skewed Perception of Those Who Abused You

The abuse most frequently takes place for a long time period during childhood. Thus, complex trauma can distort how you see your abuser and your relationship with them. You may be fixated on them—trying to understand what happened. In other cases, you can be preoccupied with fantasies of revenge.

5. Relationship Issues

Having gone through such horrific experiences can negatively impact how you interact with others. C-PTSD can affect your relationships in ways like this:

• Feeling that you are different from everyone and no one can understand you.

• Guilt, shame, and other types of negative self-perception.

• An inability to fully let go and trust other people.

• The disconnection and detachment mentioned in #2 above.

• Seeking out partners who remind you of your abuser.

6. Loss of Meaning

A more existential symptom involves a loss of belief and meaning. The horror you’ve experienced can lead to questioning and possibly rejecting what you once had faith in. This could mean religion but also involves a general sense of faith and trust in humanity. The parallel tracks of this sign are despair and hopelessness.

Getting the Help You Need and Deserve

Do not try to address complex trauma on your own. Self-help steps will definitely complement your treatment, but you will need to consult with a professional. There are several treatment modalities available to you depending on the specifics of your situation. Hence, the first and most important step is to reach out for help.

You do not have to suffer in silence. You do not have to suffer forever. As terrible as the traumatic experiences were, you can process and resolve them. You can recover, heal, and thrive in your life. Let’s get you started on this path. I invite you to contact me to set up a free and confidential consultation at your earliest convenience.

3 Ways Anxiety and Depression Are Related… and 3 Ways They’re Not

Depression and anxiety are the two most common mental health concerns. On the surface, they may appear quite different. In layman’s terms, anxiety is about nervousness, while depression is all about despair. There is some truth in those perceptions.

Meanwhile, at least half the people diagnosed with depression are also diagnosed with some kind of anxiety disorder. The conditions are related. Yet, they are different. Their fundamental causes could be similar. How they manifest in each person can be incredibly distinct. Educating yourself on how anxiety and depression are related (or not) can be crucial in getting the support you need.

3 Ways Anxiety & Depression Are Not Related

1. Depression Symptoms

Symptoms of anxiety and depression may overlap, e.g., changes in appetite and eating habits, inability to concentrate, and general fatigue. However, depression’s hallmark signs are usually unmistakable. These include but are not limited to:

• Losing interest in activities that once excited you

• Ongoing feeling of profound sadness

• Chronic thoughts of death, dying, and suicide

2. Anxiety Symptoms

Anxiety symptoms that are not usually associated with depression:

• Physical: breathing issues (shortness or hyperventilation), dry mouth, nausea and dizziness, muscle tension and aches, heart palpitations, your hand or feet get numb, tingly, sweaty, or cold.

• Psychological: inability to stay calm, restlessness, a relentless sense of panic and fear, rumination, avoidance of people, places, or things that cause fear

3. General Outlook and Mood

Anxiety and depression are experienced quite differently. In fact, they’ve been called two sides of the same coin. For example, someone with depression may think about death because they feel life is hopeless. When a person with anxiety thinks about death, it’s almost certainly because they fear a (real or perceived) threat to their well-being.

3 Ways Anxiety & Depression Are Related

1. Cause and Effect

Let’s return to something touched on above: at least half the people diagnosed with depression are also diagnosed with some kind of anxiety disorder.

2. When Anxiety Leads the Way

Generally speaking, if you have an anxiety disorder, there is an increased possibility of acquiring depression. Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is a form of anxiety. People suffering from this trauma-related disorder are at high risk of developing depression.

3. When Depression Leads the Way

Conversely, someone with depression may begin to feel anxious about their condition. Left unchecked or unnoticed, this trend increases the likelihood of a co-existing anxiety disorder developing.

How Do You Know If You’re Dealing With Both Anxiety and Depression?

For starters, re-read the symptoms listed above. If any of them persist, it warrants your attention. Neither depression nor anxiety should ever be downplayed or ignored. However, if you notice an increase in signs from both lists, it is a red flag. Monitor closely and do not ever hesitate to reach out for support and help.

Treatment for Both Anxiety and Depression

Since both disorders are so common, a silver lining of sorts is the amount of time and work that goes into finding effective treatment options. Reaching out to an experienced mental health practitioner is the first step to learning more about these approaches. From there, you can be assessed and collaborate with a therapist for treatment.

In some instances, medication is suggested. But, in almost every case, counseling is the entry point. Simultaneously, you will learn a wide range of self-help steps that can complement your treatment. These may include lifestyle changes, self-care, and relaxation techniques.

You can live free of both anxiety and depression. Let’s get you started on the path to recovery with a free and confidential consultation.

5 Symptoms of Anxiety and How to Treat It

Anxiety disorders are the most common mental health issue on the planet. According to the World Health Organization, there may have been a 25 percent increase in anxiety since March 2020. They’re not talking about temporary nervousness or worry. In this context, “anxiety” means “anxiety disorder.” And these conditions were around long before anyone had uttered the word “Covid.”

The first step toward addressing this problem is awareness. What does anxiety look and feel like? How do we treat it? What kind of self-help steps should be taken? In the name of self-education, let’s take a closer look.

5 Symptoms of Anxiety

Before listing possible symptoms, it is important to note that there are several different types of anxiety disorders. The most common is Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD). Other anxiety-related conditions include but are not limited to:

• Social Anxiety

• Specific Phobias

• Panic Disorder

• Separation Anxiety

• Medication-Induced Anxiety Disorder

• Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

Of course, each variation presents in different ways. However, here are symptom categories that usually transcend all of the disorders:

1. General Edginess

Signs like this would be what you might expect to see in anyone who is highly stressed or fearful:

• Can’t calm oneself

• Unable to sit still

• Can’t concentrate, focus, or make decisions

• Seeing danger everywhere

• An overall feeling of panic and impending doom

2. Unexplained Physical Concerns

General edginess does not exist without impacting one’s physical being. Anxiety can present itself through bodily symptoms like:

• Tight, achy muscles

• Headaches

• Hyperventilation

• Dry mouth

• Cold hands and/or feet

• Hands and/or feet tingling or numb

• Dizziness

• Racing heart rate

• Heart palpitations

3. Sleep Disturbances

Someone in a state of hyper-arousal and hyper-vigilance is likely going to struggle to get to sleep and stay asleep. In addition, the panic and doom mentioned above in #1 make it feel like sleep is risky or dangerous. Unfortunately, lack of steady sleep can exasperate any anxiety symptoms.

4. Digestive and Gastrointestinal Problems

People talk about feeling something in their gut. You might get “butterflies” before a big event. The brain and the gut work in tandem. Thus, an anxiety disorder can throw off the delicate balance. Some digestive red flags to watch for:

• Nausea

• Constipation

• Change in appetite (more or less)

• Cramps

• Diarrhea

• Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS)

• Peptic ulcers

5. Phobias

Phobias are a form of anxiety disorder. They can also exist as a general symptom of anxiety. You’re left to obsessively avoid people, objects, or places. All of these can be viewed as the primary source of anxiety. For example, someone with social anxiety may choose to avoid any reminder of a person or location that triggers a bad or embarrassing memory.

How to Treat Anxiety

Anxiety is a diagnosable mental health disorder. If any of the above resonated with you, it makes sense to talk with a professional. Talk therapy is a powerful source of support. Running parallel to such treatment, there are self-initiated steps that can help facilitate recovery, e.g.:

• General self-care: Safeguarding your sleep, eating, and physical activity habits each day.

• Relaxation techniques: Popular choices involve breathing exercises, mindfulness, and meditation.

• Socializing: Anxiety can convince you to isolate, but you need to be around trusted friends and family members.

• Hobbies and interests: These can enrich you and add some creativity to your day-to-day life.

Again, seeking professional help is essential. Your weekly therapy sessions can serve as a workshop of sorts. Together with your counselor, you can explore patterns, underlying causes, and solutions.

I’ve worked with countless clients who were struggling with anxiety. I’d love to help you, too. You can heal from anxiety and thrive in new ways. Let’s connect for a free and confidential consultation.

What is Depression? Signs, Causes, and Treatments

“I feel depressed.” This is an honest expression of mood. Everyone gets sad at times. Life is a ride of ups and downs. We can’t expect always to be happy, and maybe that’s a good thing. The experience of being sad allows us to appreciate joy so much more. So, being “depressed” is normal. That said, “depression” is much more than that.

Depression (Major Depressive Disorder) is a diagnosis. It’s a relatively common mental health condition that requires professional intervention. Without such support, it can escalate into a hazardous situation. This makes it crucial that we can identify the signs and get the help we need.

Signs of Depression

Like any disorder, it can look different from person to person. However, there are some common signs to watch for. These include:

• Losing interest in activities you once enjoyed (including sex)

• Changes in eating habits and appetite

• Changes in sleep patterns with insomnia as an option

• Feeling guilty and ashamed

• Hopelessness and helplessness

• Digestive disturbances

• Inability to concentrate or make decisions

• Chronic physical aches, pains, and tension with no clear explanation

• Fatigue, restlessness, and irritability

• Relentless feelings of sadness or being empty

• Thoughts of death, dying, and suicide

• Suicide attempts

As you can see, most of these symptoms could easily be mistaken for something else. If this list sounds at all familiar, please explore the possibility of depression as the cause.

Causes of Depression

Depression has no single known cause. That said, several important factors have been identified, e.g.:

• Elderly people are at a higher risk than others

• Those with substance abuse problems are more frequently diagnosed with depression

• A family history of depression can increase the risk

• Women are diagnosed with depression twice as often as men

Here are some risk factors and concurrent issues also connected with major depressive disorder:

• Certain medications (like corticosteroids)

• Having experienced the loss of a loved one

• Going through a serious physical illness

• Experiencing sexual, physical, and emotional abuse

• Enduring a major life event (this can include happy events)

• Social isolation

• Conflict in your life

• The presence of other mental health conditions

As you can see, there are instances where a direct cause-and-effect can be identified. Even so, depression most often develops from a combination of factors and events. This can also make it harder to identify and thus cause a delay in getting help initially. Effective treatment exists, so it’s in your best interest to look into your options.

Examples of Depression Treatment

Self-Help

Basic self-care tactics can go a long way. Elements to consider:

• Regular sleep patterns

• Healthy eating choices

• Daily exercise and physical activity

• Stress management and relaxation techniques

Prioritize yourself! Self-care alone is not the answer to depression, but it lays a foundation.

Alternative Approaches

When your depression is not severe, you may wish to try something like acupuncture or hypnotherapy. Studies show positive results in these scenarios.

Medication

There are cases when medication will be prescribed. If you reach this point, it is essential to have a qualified mental health practitioner to offer guidance.

Therapy

(see below)

Counseling is the Best Starting Point

I know it can be tough to break past the stigma, but there is no shame in experiencing depression. It’s no more a sign of weakness than a broken bone. Working with a therapist empowers you to:

• Manage symptoms

• Identify root causes

• Give voice to your fears and doubts

• Heal from your core emotional wounds

If depression is trying to take control of your life, we should talk. I invite you to reach out to set up a free consultation.