Anxiety and depression are the two most common mental health conditions on the planet. Therefore, it’s not far-fetched that you may struggle with such issues in your life. But how does one handle this within the context of a relationship? If you have a physical illness or injury, it is often obvious. How, then, can you make certain you’re being heard and validated when dealing with an emotional disorder?
You want and expect your partner to be, well… your partner. They should be there for you with love, support, and understanding. But with depression or anxiety, the “understanding” part can be the trickiest.
4 Steps Toward Explaining Depression & Anxiety to Your Partner
1. Get Yourself a Journal
These will be important but very vulnerable conversations so prepare yourself. Make some bullet points of what feels most important to convey. Keep adding to this list as you get closer to having the first discussion. Keep the list handy during the chat, so you don’t forget something out of nervousness.
Some factors to consider:
Finding out how much your partner already knows about anxiety and/or depression.
If you want/need ongoing conversations, make this clear.
Ask yourself what kind of reaction and support you wish for.
What would you prefer your partner not do?
How much do you want your partner to be involved in your treatment plan?
Are you okay with friends and families knowing?
2. Timing and Other Logistics
A few (of many) factors to consider:
There is no “perfect” time to talk, so follow your heart.
Also, clear out enough time to not feel rushed.
Have this conversation face-to-face.
Minimize distractions, e.g., noise, devices, etc.
Provide resources to get them started with self-education.
On that last note, it’s not your job to inform them 24/7. But make certain that the accumulation of knowledge is ongoing. Most importantly, focus on your specific case (see #3 below).
3. Talk About You
No two people experience anxiety or depression the same way. There are commonalities, of course, but what matters most for this conversation is your particular experience. This can be another list in your journal, e.g., how your condition impacts you. Your partner must know how anxiety or depression may influence your energy level, focus, sex drive, emotional regulation, and more.
4. Let Them Know What Helps
Keep that journal handy because it’s time for another list. Your partner may feel a little overwhelmed and perhaps inadequate. Be prepared with some easy suggestions for starters.
Tell them what triggers you and makes you feel worse.
Urge them not to take it personally if you display a mood swing.
Promise them you will be direct with them if your mood swing is not related to anxiety or depression.
Give them as much as you can so they can be the best partner they can be.
Remind your partner that opening up like this is meaningful. It is a powerful way to remind each other that your relationship is not just about fun, sex, and doing laundry. Sitting them down for a serious talk is proof of how much you trust them. Sure, anxiety or depression will present challenges, but your trusting bond can be a major counterbalance.
Does it Help to Have a Therapist Involved?
Short answer: Absolutely, yes! The partner with the mental health condition may feel embarrassed to focus on it. The other partner feels blindsided and confused. Talking this out in the presence of a professional, unbiased guide is a proven path toward deepening your connection. If you or your partner are struggling with depression or anxiety, let’s talk about it soon.