For today’s blog post, I am returning again to wisdom from the Tao Te Ching:
“The bamboo that bends is stronger than the oak that resists.”
This ancient insight captures a fundamental truth about human resilience—true strength comes from flexibility, not rigidity. In the context of anxiety, this idea is especially relevant. The more we try to resist or control anxious thoughts and feelings, the more entrenched they become. But when we learn to bend, adapt, and move with our emotions, we can navigate anxiety with greater ease and effectiveness.
This is the essence of psychological flexibility, a core principle in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), which offers a powerful approach to managing anxiety.
What is Psychological Flexibility?
Psychological flexibility is the ability to stay open and present, even in the face of discomfort, and to take action guided by what truly matters. It’s about being able to experience difficult thoughts and emotions without getting stuck or overwhelmed by them. Unlike rigid control strategies—where we try to avoid or eliminate anxiety—flexibility allows us to acknowledge these experiences while continuing to move toward our goals and values.
In ACT, the goal isn’t to eliminate anxiety, but to develop the flexibility to live fully with it. This approach contrasts with traditional methods that focus on symptom reduction. Instead, ACT empowers individuals to respond to anxiety in a way that aligns with their values, leading to greater psychological well-being.
The Problem with Psychological Rigidity
When anxiety strikes, our instinct is often to resist it—much like the oak tree that stands firm against the storm, trying to stay rooted in place. We might try to control our anxious thoughts, avoid uncomfortable situations, or endlessly ruminate in an attempt to “solve” our worries. But this psychological rigidity can actually make anxiety worse. The more we resist or try to avoid discomfort, the more it seems to grow, leaving us feeling stuck or overwhelmed.
ACT teaches us that rigidity leads to suffering because it traps us in a cycle of avoidance and control, where the focus is on pushing anxiety away rather than living a meaningful life despite it.
How Could Accepting Anxiety Possibly Help?
A common reaction to hearing about “accepting anxiety” is confusion. After all, isn’t the goal to get rid of anxiety? It’s natural to want to push away anxious feelings, and many people believe that fighting anxiety or avoiding what triggers it is the best way to cope. However, this approach often leads to more anxiety over time. Trying to control or eliminate anxiety is like trying to hold back a wave—it’s exhausting and rarely works for long.
Acceptance, as understood in ACT, isn’t about giving up or resigning yourself to feeling anxious forever. Instead, it’s about allowing the feeling to exist without fighting it, acknowledging its presence, and making space for it, so it no longer has as much control over your actions. By accepting anxiety, you take away its power to dictate your life.
Imagine anxiety as a passenger in your car. If you keep wrestling with it to push it out, you’ll spend all your energy fighting, and you'll lose focus on driving. Acceptance means allowing anxiety to sit there—knowing it’s present—but keeping your hands on the wheel and your eyes on the road.
What Does "Accepting Anxiety" Really Mean?
Acceptance doesn’t mean liking or wanting anxiety; it’s about acknowledging its presence and no longer struggling against it. Here’s what that might look like in practice:
Acknowledging Your Anxiety: When anxiety arises, notice it without immediately trying to fix or avoid it. You might say to yourself, “I’m feeling anxious right now, and that’s okay. I don’t need to change it or run from it.”
Breathing Through It: Instead of tensing up, try to take a few deep breaths and allow the sensations of anxiety to exist. Pay attention to how it feels in your body—tight chest, racing heart—without judgment. This creates a space where you can observe anxiety rather than react to it.
Mindfully Sitting with Discomfort: Acceptance often involves sitting with discomfort rather than acting impulsively to get rid of it. For example, imagine walking up to a podium to speak in front of hundreds of people. Your heart is pounding, your palms are sweaty, and your mind is racing. Resisting the anxiety might look like saying to yourself, “Oh no, I’m anxious!! What’s wrong with me?! I need to get it together. Stop being anxious. Now!” This reaction often intensifies anxiety, as it adds self-criticism and pressure to suppress natural feelings.
By contrast, accepting anxiety might look like acknowledging it instead: “I’m anxious right now, and that’s okay. I can still do this, even with anxiety here.” With this approach, you allow yourself to feel the anxiety without letting it dictate your actions. You might focus on taking slow, steady breaths as you start speaking, allowing the anxiety to be present while still moving forward.
The surprising effect of acceptance is that when you stop struggling against anxiety, it often becomes less overwhelming. By letting it in, you might find that the fear of anxiety is worse than the anxiety itself.
How ACT Builds Psychological Flexibility
ACT offers six core processes that cultivate psychological flexibility and help us navigate anxiety:
Acceptance: Rather than fighting or avoiding anxious feelings, ACT encourages us to “make space” for them. Acceptance doesn’t mean liking or wanting anxiety, but acknowledging its presence without trying to change it.
Cognitive Defusion: This involves stepping back from our thoughts, seeing them for what they are—just thoughts, not truths. By distancing ourselves from anxious thoughts, we reduce their power over us.
Being Present: Mindfulness practices help us stay grounded in the present moment, rather than being consumed by worries about the future or regrets from the past.
Self-as-Context: ACT teaches us to view ourselves as the observer of our experiences, rather than being defined by our thoughts and feelings. This helps create a sense of distance from the anxiety and to see ourselves with clarity.
Values: Clarifying what truly matters in life helps guide our actions, even when anxiety is present. Values provide direction and purpose, making it easier to act despite discomfort.
Committed Action: Once we’ve identified our values, ACT encourages us to take steps toward those values, even in the face of anxiety. This involves making choices based on what we care about, not on what we fear.
Bending with Anxiety, Not Breaking
Lao Tzu’s metaphor of the bamboo teaches us that flexibility leads to resilience. When we bend with anxiety—accepting it, making space for it, and allowing it to exist without letting it dictate our actions—we become stronger. Psychological flexibility helps us live in alignment with our values, moving forward even when anxiety is present. Like bamboo swaying in the wind, we adapt to life’s challenges rather than breaking under their weight.
Practical Steps to Cultivate Flexibility
If you’re looking to apply these concepts in your life, here are a few practical strategies from ACT:
Mindfulness: Practice observing your anxious thoughts and feelings without judgment. Notice them, but don’t try to change them. Simply allow them to be, like leaves floating down a stream.
Identify Your Values: Spend some time reflecting on what truly matters to you. Is it connection, creativity, adventure, or kindness? Use these values to guide your actions, especially when anxiety tries to hold you back.
Take Action: Once you’ve clarified your values, commit to taking small steps in that direction, even if anxiety is present. The more you take action guided by your values, the less control anxiety will have over your life.
The path to managing anxiety isn’t about becoming unbreakable—it’s about learning to bend. Through the practice of psychological flexibility, as taught in ACT, you can face your anxiety with openness and resilience, rather than resistance. By embracing the discomfort of anxiety and taking meaningful action, you’ll find that you are not only stronger but also more capable of living the life you desire. .