As the name implies, obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) involves obsessions (e.g., intrusive thoughts) and compulsions (rituals designed to ease the anxiety caused by obsessions).In a recent post, I discussed that OCD is chronic, with symptoms coming and going throughout somebody’s life. It does not have a cure, but there are approaches that can manage it.
OCD has several subtypes, for example, relationship OCD (R-OCD). As you might imagine, this variation is marked by severe anxiety within the realm of one’s relationship. This anxiety centers around self-doubt and typically triggers the obsession-compulsion cycle. Let’s explore some of the signs and symptoms of R-OCD.
R-OCD Behaviors
Everyone has dating quirks and concerns. But R-OCD is much more than that. It can even manifest before a relationship starts, e.g., people who refuse to date because they don’t think anyone is a good match. That said, R-OCD behaviors are more common and identifiable within the context of an existing relationship.
Here are a few of the fixations you might see in someone with R-OCD:
Needing to know if there is something wrong with their partner constantly.
Precisely how much their partner loves them or is attracted to them.
Being reassured that a break-up is not imminent.
Comparing their relationship to other couples.
Despite such anxious concerns, they may feel incapable of initiating a conversation about them. Hence, the anxiety creates obsessions and compulsions which dominate their life.
Common R-OCD Obsessions
The behavior list above is a good place to start. People with R-OCD may feel obsessed with the “knowledge” that their relationship is doomed. They may obsess over a strange look their partner gave them. Or, they may obsess over the occasional disagreement and feel as if it means their relationship is doomed to end.
These types of obsessions can become all-consuming and cause someone to develop compulsive responses in the hope of experiencing at least some temporary relief.
Common R-OCD Compulsions
To ease some of the distress they feel, people with R-OCD may spend a lot of time scrolling. For example, they might type something like this into the nearest search engine, “Signs of a cheating partner.” Compulsions can provide a respite from intrusive thoughts, and they can take the form of:
Comparing: Social media makes examining a wide range of carefully curated couple’s photos and videos possible. Do they look happy? How long have they been together? Do both partners participate equally in the online interactions? These relentless observations can be used to “prove” whatever feels more calming.
Clinginess: As touched on above, the need for reassurance can become suffocating.
Making Lists: Depending on which obsession is loudest at the moment, someone with R-OCD can compile a list to silence it or reinforce it. With enough ink and lines on the paper, convincing ourselves about anything is entirely too easy.
But How Do We Really Know If It’s Relationship OCD?
Everyone doubts or compares themselves to other people or situations. However, maybe you have read through the post and are wondering if this also applies to you.
What makes R-OCD different is the intense amount of time it takes up. Daily functioning takes a back seat. Someone will allocate major chunks of their day — often every day — to obsessing over their relationship. In cases of R-OCD, this is a pattern that is often repeated in every single relationship someone has been in.
If the information above resonated with you, the wisest move is to speak with a professional. I encourage you to reach out for more information about OCD treatment.