Understanding What EMDR Is — and Isn’t
If you’ve heard of EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), you might know it’s an evidence-based therapy for trauma and distressing life experiences. But you might not know what actually happens in an EMDR session. Do you relive your worst memories? Sit through long, painful exposures to triggers? Are you hypnotized? What exactly happens in an EMDR session — and why does it help?
EMDR isn’t about reliving trauma. It’s about helping your brain reprocess experiences that are still “stuck,” so they can be remembered without the same emotional intensity. For example, instead of feeling the rush of panic from a car accident every time you drive, the memory becomes just that — a memory — no longer an alarm going off in your body.
EMDR isn’t hypnosis. You remain fully awake and aware throughout each session, guided to notice thoughts, sensations, and emotions as they arise. The goal isn’t to enter a trance, but to stay connected to both the past and the present as your brain integrates the two.
You don’t have to know all the ins and outs of EMDR to get started, but it’s important to work with a therapist you trust — someone who can guide you through the process, help you make sense of what’s happening along the way, and create a safe space for your mind and body to process at their own pace.
The Eight Phases of EMDR in Everyday Language
EMDR follows a structured framework, but in practice it is collaborative and adaptable. Here’s what the process typically looks like:
1. History Taking & Treatment Planning
You and your therapist begin by exploring your current symptoms, triggers, and life experiences. The goal is to identify the moments or themes that still carry emotional weight. You’ll discuss goals for therapy and decide where to start. You don’t have to tell your entire story all at once.
2. Preparation
Before any processing begins, you’ll focus on building enough safety and stability to approach what still feels threatening. This might include learning ways to calm your body when distress arises, developing grounding skills, and strengthening internal resources that help you stay anchored in the present. The goal isn’t to eliminate all discomfort — it’s to help your nervous system feel safe enough to begin touching what once felt unbearable.
3. Assessment
Together you’ll choose a target memory to focus on. Your therapist will ask about the image, negative belief, emotion, and body sensations linked to that memory. For example, a client might notice an image of a car accident, the belief “I’m not safe,” and a tightness in the chest. These elements provide a roadmap for the reprocessing phase.
4. Desensitization
This is where bilateral stimulation — the “eye movement” part of EMDR — begins. You’ll be guided to notice the memory while following a series of eye movements, alternating taps, or tones in each ear. The therapist stops regularly to check in, and you simply notice what comes up.
During this phase, the brain starts to integrate information that was previously frozen in time. Some clients report flashes of insight or emotion, while others feel calm neutrality. Both are signs of the nervous system doing its work.
5. Installation
Once the emotional intensity has decreased, you and your therapist focus on strengthening a more adaptive belief, such as “I’m safe now” or “I did the best I could.” You continue using bilateral stimulation to help that new belief “take root” where the old one once lived.
6. Body Scan
Because trauma lives in the body as much as in the mind, this step helps identify any lingering sensations. You notice whether your body feels calm or if there’s residual tension. If discomfort remains, the therapist helps you process until your body feels settled again.
7. Closure
Each EMDR session ends with grounding. Your therapist ensures you’re back in the present and feeling stable before you leave. If processing feels incomplete, that’s okay — EMDR unfolds over multiple sessions.
8. Re-evaluation
At the beginning of your next session, you’ll check in about what’s shifted since last time. Often, the memory feels more distant, or the body responds differently to stress. The therapist uses this phase to plan next steps and track your overall progress.
Traumatic experiences can overwhelm the brain’s ability to make sense of what’s happening. When that happens, parts of the memory — emotions, sensations, or beliefs — get “stuck” in a kind of unfinished loop. EMDR helps your brain and body finish that loop, so that you can move from survival mode into understanding and resolution.
You and your therapist move at your pace. EMDR is not a race; it’s a process of helping your brain and body complete what they once couldn’t.
What Bilateral Stimulation Actually Does
Bilateral stimulation simply means engaging both sides of the body — and, by extension, both hemispheres of the brain. It can be done by moving your eyes side to side, tapping alternately on each knee, or listening to tones that switch between ears.
Researchers don’t yet fully agree on why bilateral stimulation works, but several theories help explain its effects. Some studies suggest it mimics the brain’s natural processing during REM sleep. Others propose that it helps reduce emotional intensity by engaging both hemispheres or by improving working memory so distress feels less consuming. Whatever the mechanism, many clients experience noticeable relief as the nervous system reorganizes its response to old stressors.
(I’ll explore the research on how bilateral stimulation works in a future post.)
Clients often describe sensations like sighing, yawning, or feeling lighter — signs that the nervous system is releasing stored tension. You might also experience emotions or images arising unexpectedly, which your therapist helps you track and make meaning of.
You Stay in Control the Whole Time
A common worry is, “What if I get overwhelmed or can’t handle what comes up?” In EMDR, you’re in charge — and your therapist’s role is to help you stay that way.
You can pause at any time. You decide what to share. A skilled EMDR therapist monitors your level of distress carefully and adjusts the pacing to keep you within your window of tolerance — the zone where processing can happen safely.
Because trauma often involves a loss of control, one of the most healing parts of EMDR is learning, within a trusting therapeutic relationship, that you can stay present and make choices even when strong emotions arise.
After an EMDR Session: Integration and Reflection
After a session, your brain may continue processing for hours or even days. Some people feel tired or emotional; others feel clear and calm. You might notice vivid dreams or small changes in how you react to everyday stress.
Integration happens naturally — your mind is making new connections and storing memories differently. Gentle aftercare helps support that process:
Get adequate rest and hydration.
Avoid forcing analysis — simply notice what arises.
Practice grounding or self-soothing if strong emotions appear.
Your therapist will check in at your next session to understand how you’re feeling and decide whether to continue with the same target or move on to another.
Is EMDR Right for You?
While EMDR was originally developed for post-traumatic stress, it’s now used for a wide range of concerns — anxiety, depression, grief, phobias, and painful experiences that continue to echo long after they’ve passed.
It’s especially helpful for people who say things like, “I understand it wasn’t my fault, but I still feel it in my body.” EMDR bridges that gap between knowing and feeling.
That said, EMDR isn’t the right fit for everyone or for every stage of therapy. A thoughtful assessment helps determine whether EMDR is appropriate for your needs right now. If it’s not, your therapist may recommend beginning with other approaches to build the stability and skills that make EMDR more effective later.
The power of EMDR lies not just in the method itself, but in how it’s applied within a safe, attuned, and collaborative relationship.
🌱 Finding Relief Through EMDR
EMDR can help you process what once felt too overwhelming, so you can live with greater ease and self-trust. It offers a way to feel more present, less reactive, and more connected to yourself.
Learn more about EMDR therapy and how it can support your healing process.